Badfic!

Hello! So, I just got finished reading Rabbit Heart and I gotta say, it's probably my current favorite DAII fic. Everything just seems so perfect about it. Plus, tons and tons of Anders angst, which, in my opinion, is the best kind of angst. But I just have one tiny question! Is Carve going to make an appearance? Because I thought it had been hinted at, and I thought that maybe he was the young templar who took Nerys doll. Sorry about the word puke! I just really love this unierse you'e created.

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 08:55:00 +1100

Thank you! Glad you’re enjoying the story so far!

And yes, lots of angst. I think I have the David Gaider “I am Anders therefore I am sad” school of characterisation disease but, well. The DAverse kinda is a horrible place to live…

As to whether Carver (the brother) is going to show up: I can say at this point that any canon character who was going to make an appearance, will have made an appearance by the end of the next chapter. There’s only one more, and [SPOILER ALERT!] it’s not Carver. (In fact, I’d bet that no matter how long people tried guessing, they wouldn’t pick who it’s going to be… That sounds like a challenge! Guess correctly and I’ll write you a ficlet or draw you something or… something.)

You are correct that there have been a few unsubtle hints dropped as to Carver’s fate, however. I have these… hazy, half-thought-out plans for a RH sequel based on the Legacy DLC (imaginative working title: Rabbit Heart: Legacy), in which Carver would be the POV-character, hence the set-up. Will I ever write it? Er. Well. See how we go finishing RH, first…

Bonus DLC Funfax: Carver’s profession (Templar or Warden) actually changed half-way through writing RH. That is, when he’s mentioned in the early chapters, I’d assumed he was one, but as at the latest chapter he’s the other. Luckily the references to him have been vague enough I’m pretty sure no-one will notice…

I think it's a rule that every DA2 fic has to have someone say "Damnit, Anders!" at least once.

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 16:37:54 +1100

Which is pretty amusing, when you consider the concept of “damnation” doesn’t exist anywhere in Thedas’ theology…

So Imma just gonna talk about OCs for a second here...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 14:36:41 +1100

… feel free to look away.

Rabbit Heart had a lot of OCs. Like, a lot of them. Like “I started making a list but then it got too long so I gave up” a lot. And I know it’s a bit… “not done” in fanfic, but I have to confess I kinda, um. Well. I kinda like OCs when they’re used in a certain context.

One of the blessings and curses of writing fanfic is dealing with the audience familiarity. Like, on the one hand, it’s a handy author plot/characterisation shortcut. AU fics do this especially well, with the DAverse’s prime example being (obviously) Coffee, Black. When we read that story, we know the second we see Sebastian, see Seamus, see Hawke’s “Dragon-Lady” landlady, see that his rivals in the barista contest are from a cafe called “Java Shock”… as soon as we see all of these things we know. We know Sebastian is an entitled, indecisive priss who tries to hide his jerkass past behind a jerkass religious facade. We know Seamus is a bit of a wannabe activist wet blanket who otherwise means well but may lead to trouble. We know Hawke will win the showdown against the representative of Java Shock.

So this is how you work the familiarity angle in a fanfic. Characters in fanfic are like comfortable old shoes (or, alternately, that itchy sweater at the back of your cupboard you know not to wear). One of the biggest hurdles in writing original fic is getting your audience to care about your characters. In fanfic, that pressure is largely off, and you can focus your writerly talents on other fun things.

Except… what if you don’t want your canon characters to be familiar? What if you want to show them as alien, strange, dangerous?

This is when it’s time to bring in an OC.

An OC is the audience being exposed to the canon characters the first time. An OC is a segment of the fandom’s prejudices, their perspective. One of the narrative tricks in DA2 fandom is that, as players of the game, we’ve sort of “grown up” into the characters. We’ve seen Hawke as a clueless youth; the way Varric chafes under the yoke of being a young brother; Fenris’ apparent love of cards; the pain underneath Isabela’s grin; Anders’ deep and abiding love of cats; Merril and her dirty jokes; Aveline the awkward romantic. All humanising quirks. So it’s easy to forget just how terrifying and powerful these people actually are. Abominations and maleficarum and living magical weapons are legitimately terrifying. Aveline is captain of the city guard; a position of immense political and military power. Varric is like the bastard love child of Warren Buffet and Blackwater. Isabela a currently-dethroned, seafaring Tony Montana.

Think of how many abominations and blood mages and living weapons and corrupt city officials and crime lords you’ve had to fight as enemies and bosses. And, in DA2, these are your friends. You, Hawke, one-wo/man army and almost-maybe leader of an entire city-state.

Now, think about how that all looks from the outside.

That’s where OCs are fun. It’s also why Rabbit Heart has so many; part of writing a Justice!Anders-focused story is trying to show Anders as someone who is both fragile and good-hearted… but still terrifying and dangerous. He’s a serious ball of Issues, and RH is an untangling fic rather than a knot-cutting fic; learning to manage, not finding a miraculous cure. Hence all the outside POVs. Plus it gives the audience that little sense of I-know-something-you-don’t-know, and I do loves me an unreliable narrator.

But there’s a second point to the OCs in RH, and that’s that the each represent, at least in the case of the major OCs, attitudes in the fandom.

Carling is your standard Team Mages fangirl, ready and on-hand to do whatever it takes to get a pat on the head and a cookie for being a Good Ally to the cause. She’s over-zealous and she’s in over her head and out of her depth, and she screws up repeatedly because of it (with Elias, with Morgan’s crew, with Anders). She thinks Anders is a saint and Justice a hero; any evidence to the contrary is treated with anger or disbelief, then promptly discarded.

Carling is also a legitimately innocent and good-hearted person — moreso than any other RH character, OC or not — and in some senses can afford to be because of her age (it’s not outright stated, but she’s supposed to be about 14, give-or-take). She’s also the explicit self-insert expy of who I suspect are the majority of the fic’s fans, including yours truly. Her family life is a deliberate deconstruction/reversal of the Disney Dead Mothers trope; her mum was a badass and her dad was… well, we have no idea. Not important enough to mention in the story in any capacity whatsoever, apart from the subtle-as-a-fireball implication that he might be Anders. I mean, he’s not… unless you want him to be, I guess. She’s your expy and all.

You know how it is. Allegorical, or whatever.

Then there’s Nerys, the other half of the Team Mages fandom segment. Carling supports the cause as an ally out of an naive belief that the world should be fair. Nerys, on the other hand, has experienced the oppression of the Circles directly. She’s been hurt and, underneath her innocent and innocuous facade, she wants to see her tormentors hurt in return. She wants them to suffer. If Carling is justice, then Nerys is vengeance, and that makes her quite a dark character.

Nerys represents microaggressions, and how they build and build over time. She’s a little older than Carling, somewhere around 17 or 18, and her innocence — and self-esteem — has long died the death of a thousand cuts. To her, Anders is a martyr and Vengeance a weapon to wield against those she loathes. She’s your expy, too. The one you don’t necessarily want to admit to having.

Elias is the expy of Team Grey Wardens. Comfortable in the status quo, and not quite comprehending about why the mages can’t just settle down and stop killing people all the damn time. It’s not coincidental that he’s also the youngest, at around 12. Elias wants to be The Hero and he wants his hero-story to be simple; fight the bad guys, get the love interest. He’s the expy of the segment of fandom who prefers DA:O, who doesn’t like the way DA2’s narrative doesn’t play directly into old-fashioned male power fantasies (though that’s not the way he’d express it, of course). Elias thinks Anders, no matter what skin he’s in, is a monster and a betrayer and a murderer and can’t understand why anyone would think otherwise. He’s a good kid, but he’s angry. One day, he might even work out what he’s angry at, exactly.

So Elias will probably grow up, especially with more time spent with Carling and Nerys, but he’ll never grow out of wanting to be a Warden. Of wanting to fit life into simple litle boxes of heroes and villains, no matter the evidence that things are more complicated that that. Mostly he’s just stuck in the wrong genre.

Finally, Penrod is from the well-intentioned faction of Team Templar. He doesn’t hate mages and he’s not a theocratic zealot. But he doesn’t understand magic and that makes him afraid of it, and the only way he knows how to express that fear is through control. He’s the Ser Cullen — while Cullen himself is busy off in the background — and he’s both of the Ser Carvers. He thinks he’s fair, that he’s even-handed, but he’s never been the victim of his own brand of oppression-with-a-smile, either. The perpetrator of well-intentioned microaggressions, he’s the sworn enemy of The Nerys. Penrod wants Anders to be a Good Boy, a good Healer, and wishes Justice would just go away and that mages would stop being so angry all the time. The Circle’s not so bad. I mean, he lives there too, right? He doesn’t like to admit to the dark side of his own chosen world-view, even when it’s hurting the one he loves. Penrod is an audience expy as well, though probably not for anyone who’s particularly fond of RH…

So there you have it; the four main POV OC’s in Rabbit Heart, and the “point” of all of them. There are a lot of other ones: Poppy and Urien have a high-school-bully-and-victim thing going on. Poppy isn’t a bad girl, just a product of a bad environment, and she’s already starting to grow out of it (mostly off-page, since this isn’t Rabbit Heart High). Tansy is just there to get confused with Poppy for my own petty lulz (hah!). Gethin is the father figure for Carling, and a sort of majordomo to Hawke; he handles a lot of day-to-day Pit business when Hawke’s busy off having Melodrama. Mistress Ena is the Wynne expy, a walking mouthpiece for internalised oppression. Delyth is to Fenris as Nerys is to Anders; she’ll be a hellion, one day. Blustery Moustache Man who — despite having shown up twice, still doesn’t have a name — is the more aggressive version of Mistress Ena, another mage on Team Templar. Abelard and Morgan are more templars in the Cullen mould, well-meaning and honourable, but still part of the problem; their inaction leading to the deaths during Ser Lander’s ill-fated escape attempt. Tobias is the victim trapped inside; his entire existence at the mercy of the whim of his oppressor, unable to even articulate why that might be a problem. Galla and the people of Pliska are the pragmatic proletariat, more interested in actions than ideologies, and fickle in political allegiance. Kale and Sabas are the couple who trusted a corrupt authority figure and paid for it in blood. Verina and Aelia more good-hearted members of a privilege class, blissfully unaware of the blood at their door until it’s far too late.

Then the villains of the piece. So far we’ve had two-and-a-bit, and the main theme of both of them has been hypocrisy and power: Mother Eulogia, who punished an entire town for her own sins. Knight-Commander Renard, who’s willing to delve into the deepest atrocities for what he sees as the greatest good of all. Both are heavy on the religious zealotry; part of that is the setting… but a lot of it is my own bias, too. (Ah, the conceits of being an author!) Harva was a more straightforward threat; a heartless mercenary, ironically more Elias’ kind of villain. She would’ve worked for Hawke just as easily as Renard.

The story still has one Big Bad to go; they were set-up very, very early on, but I suspect most people won’t remember where. And no, it’s not more of the Chantry (shock!).

… but that’s a topic for another day.

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 13

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 18:00:05 +1100

From the Estate to the Pit.

Something was actually going to happen in this chapter, then it didn’t. Two shot-fake showdowns, though; lulz Dee srsly stop it.

Definitely on the home stretch; two or maybe three chapter to go, including the Really Real Actual Climax I swear this time foa’srs.

Read on @ AO3 →

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 12

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:04:05 +1100

OMG it’s been, what? Nearly half a year? Uurgh, bad Dee.

Anyway, I apologise for the huge delay followed by the paucity of this chapter; I’m pretty much 116.49% sure tedious OC exposition was not what you’ve been waiting for for all this time, though this is setting up the fic’s climax, I swear.

Er… yeah. Anyway. Next chapter we’re back to the boys, and hopefully it’l take me less than five more months to write… /facepalm

Read on @ AO3 →

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 11

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 06:02:06 +1100

Fenris steals one of Carver’s lines from “Legacy” here. Also: Gore. I REGRET NOTHING!

Oh, and before you do anything else you absolutely must go check out this amazing piece of Black Beast art by Corbie. Seriously, go check it out right now because it’s awesome and heaps better than this chapter which will totally be here when you get back anyway. I promise.

… See?

Read on @ AO3 →

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 10

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:00:05 +1100

Read on @ AO3 →

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 9

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 12:03:06 +1100

The morning after, Anders finds himself in the unenviable position of being the responsible adult; Hawke reveals the Dark and Terrible (and Sexy) Secret of Fenris; and the trio make their way towards the Fortress of Ser Whatsit and the Order of the Unnecessary Badness.

Derp derp almost nothing happens here. Stupid filler chapter. Big thank you to anyone who’s managed to stick this story out for this long, and much love to all commentors, kudos-givers and bookmarkers.

Read on @ AO3 →

shockboxnet: It’s the WiP That Wouldn’t Die! Almost Done. Just...

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 06:02:05 +1100

shockboxnet:

It’s the WiP That Wouldn’t Die!

Almost Done. Just the bandages/hand on his right (er, our right, his left) arm, more abuse of the scatter dots brush for the glow, and finishing that Ominous Shadow In The Background.

… and maybe repainting the hair. If I’m feeling masochistic.

One day I will finish this.

Probably sometime around when I finish RH itself, hey…

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 8

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 18:00:06 +1100

In caser anyone was paying attention, this is the chapter where the rating changed. Pretty much nothing of importance happens here, with the possible exception of some character exposition in the first thousand-odd words. You Have Been Warned.

Bonus material for this chapter!

Firstly, some bad sketches showing how Anders’ outfit works, just in case you were wondering. Secondly, since the tags here don’t really appropriately convey this fic’s relationship tangle appropriately, I made a trollshipping wall to clarify. Awesome.

Read on @ AO3 →

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 7

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 12:05:06 +1100

Anders wakes up the morning after. Hawke has a confession. Fenris has breakfast.

Read on @ AO3 →

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 6

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 06:04:05 +1100

The Pit throws a party, Fenris is chased by bees, and Anders makes bad life decisions. Again.

Hey, so what do I do when I’m not writing? I do bad fanart for my own writing, that’s what.

… lol.

Read on @ AO3 →

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 5

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 18:00:05 +1100

On the way back from Pliska, the trio encounter some templars on the road. Obvious outcome is obvious…

Previous chapters have been edited slightly, too. Mostly to treat my chronic semi-colon cancer, as well as remove one sartorially-related continuity error and one time-slip in the close of the last chapter.

More music? You know I love it! Also, this is technically the end of Act I in this fic’s rough three-act structure. I’m sure you’re thrilled by the knowledge.

Read on @ AO3 →

shockboxnet: A very rough series of the layers in Anders’...

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 12:04:05 +1100

shockboxnet:

A very rough series of the layers in Anders’ Rabbit Heart robe, as seen in the Eternal WiP.

Basically:

Linen breeches and boots (socks not pictured).

Woollen mandress.

~~Coat and belts and shit.~~ FACE-MELTING JUSTICE!

Main point is that the coat/bolero/pauldrons are all one contraption, which is basically long strips of leather nailed together (though only from about mid-thigh up) and ergo not particularly comfortable, hence the mandress underneath. The idea was roughly the (concept art version) Renegade’s Coat minus several years’ worth of wear and tear, though it has bits and pieces stolen from the game’s other Tevinter robe styles.

Also, watch me make pretence to both consistency and anatomy. Lulz.

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 4

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 06:03:06 +1100

Anders, Hawke and Fenris embark on a sidequest to fetch much-needed supplies for the Pit. Things end up being more complicated than expected which, in retrospect, should’ve been completely expected.

People with medical training may wish to skip large chunks of this, since I’ve taken some, uh, artistic licence with the pathology. Pretend it’s like magic or something. Also: It’s kinda hard to write medical drama-esque scenes in a setting that has no knowledge of things like the germ theory of disease.

Also, super bonus Director’s Cut content: The Black Beast makes an appearance on a (paper) tablecloth in a Lygon Street restaurant after a few glasses of wine. Drunk scribbles in pen; yay!

Read on @ AO3 →

Oh hai Justice fangirl! There's never enough of us around, I am so happy to glomp on you! I'm giddy that you liked my ramble (it's one of far too many) and I will always gleefully talk about my favourite spirit crush with other fangirls! <3

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 23:16:24 +1100

Yes, I found your post via Corbie and I love it! It says pretty much everything I want to about Justice; he’s a wonderful, intriguing character who really got a bad deal in DA2 and, by extension, the fandom.

And you’re right about there not being nearly enough of us (or, at least, not vocally enough). We need to stick together! :3

defira85: I have far too many feelings about Justice, most of...

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 21:44:09 +1100

defira85:

I have far too many feelings about Justice, most of which are a bit too base and primitive and fangirlish for me to voice coherently at all. I don’t think I’m anywhere near as eloquent as some of the wonderful writers in this fandom, but I wanted to attempt at least to talk about how important Justice is as a character. I missed Justice Week because I’m far too much of a coward to just blurt out my opinions, but then this gif set appeared and, well… I had to write. I apologise for the lengthy ramble on your dash, feel free to scroll right past if you so choose. It is of course my personal opinion and you are all entitled to tell me I’m utterly wrong and ridiculous.

Justice is, to my mind, one of the most fascinating characters in the Dragon Age universe and I have been hopelessly in love with him since the moment my Commander Tabris encountered him in the Black Marsh. It doesn’t help that I have the world’s most irrational obsession with Adam Leadbeater’s voice, but the story of Justice as told in Awakening both stole and broke my heart. He was a character with such amazing depth and conflict, with the potential to teach us so much about the world of magic and mages and spirits and veils and blackened cities with silent streets. Then to find him relegated to what was essentially a plot device in DA2 was possibly the most earth shattering moment for me in the entirety of the game. It’s probably rather telling of the depths of my obsession if I was most upset, upon finishing the game, at never being able to have a proper conversation with him, if we ignore that brief two sentence interlude in Night Terrors and again briefly in Dissent.

In essence, I was disappointed that a character with so much potential was all but discarded that way. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the idea of the merger with Anders, and seeing just what that merger had wrought upon my other favourite Awakenings character was amazing and heartbreaking. But it was a two way street- Anders admits as much in Act I after the Chantry ambush with Karl, saying that his emotions tainted his friend and the fervour of Justice became a driving force within him too. We never saw how Justice struggled with this though, and for all that Anders claims they are one, they are clearly not. Justice can wrest control from him, not the sign of an integrated parasitic spirit lodged deep within his psyche. And Justice is the more powerful of the duo in the Fade by far.

So what happened to our reluctant Warden, to the spirit who agonised about feeling envy for Kristoff and Aura’s love? Why didn’t we see his emotional journey alongside Anders’?

The answer is that we did. It’s just hard to find.

What saddens me the most is the way he is constantly judged by a large portion of the fandom, and accused of all kinds of malicious and even manipulative actions. Justice is responsible for the Chantry Jenga. Justice is responsible for Anders not being fun anymore. Justice doesn’t like Hawke. Justice wanted Anders to die after the Chantry incident so he could possess his body unfettered. These, and so many more like them, just make me want to curl up on the couch and sob while I replay Awakening.

It’s so easy for people to forget that they are judging a character of non-human origins by human standards. In Awakening, we see a creature flummoxed by basic human interactions; he has no experience with emotions, or even with physical contact, and he struggles so valiantly with that. He wants to be stronger, he wants to understand, so that he can continue to stand as a beacon of what his own makeup tells him is fundamentally right. He is a concept, not a person. He is an ideal, a value, a standard. He comes from a world of black and white, right and wrong, and yet we expect him to integrate himself into our world of grey (unintentional Warden joke FTW) without considering how hard it would be for him. It always makes me think of some of the excellent stories from Ursula Le Guin, my two favourite references for this situation being The Left Hand of Darkness and The Word for World is Forest (and if you truly want to understand how difficult it is to associate with people and concepts completely alien and completely familiar to you, I highly recommend them). Justice is not human. He is not even remotely human. And yet he’s thrust into the human world, first in a dead body and all the strange and uncomfortable experiences associated with that; then he must endure having a living host, no longer the master of his own destiny or even his own actions.

Imagine that. Imagine having your entire existence controlled by another. The words you want to say never come out the way you would have said them. The actions you take are never wholly yours. Imagine how much that would hurt for a creature of absolutes, a spirit accustomed to instant, affirmative action. Just when Justice thought he’d worked out this world of maybes and greys while confined to Kristoff’s body, suddenly he must deal with the cacophony of doubt and stress and suspicion and indecision that is Anders on a good day. Imagine never experiencing emotions before in your life and suddenly being exposed to that. It would be like a blind person suddenly being given sight- you have no way of warning them, or of describing to them what they’re about to experience, because they have no common point of reference with you.

I think the most telling line in DA2 when we are considering Justice is on that first night together, when Anders hesitates in Hawke’s doorway and says ‘Justice does not approve of my obsession with you.’ It’s not a lie- Justice doesn’t approve. But it is for reasons completely beyond what most people assume.

Consider his interactions with Aura in Awakening. Justice very quickly becomes fascinated with this mortal woman, and the love she and Kristoff shared. He admits as much to the Warden if you get his approval rating high enough. When he hesitantly approaches Aura in the Amaranthine Chantry, he immediately asks the Warden if he has done the right thing; how telling, that a spirit of Justice is confused about wrong and right when it comes to emotions and plays of the heart. Later, in the follow up conversation back at Vigil’s Keep, he admits to feeling envy and instantly berates himself for it, declaring it the realm of demons.

Fast forward a few years to Kirkwall, and Justice is exposed to more than envy. As Anders grows more and more infatuated with Hawke, Justice must endure love and lust and obsession and loneliness and desire… and he still has no way to process these feelings without assuming them to be the territory of demons. So he makes his disapproval known- he never talks to Hawke, and he makes sure that Anders is very much aware of how much these feelings upset him. Even if there is evidence to the contrary.

I could go on, but I think I’ve made a fairly significant point. And what started as a defence of my favourite character has turned into somewhat of an essay and my dinner has gone cold while I wrote. But I’ll just leave you with a little image of my favourite sappy romance scene.

If Justice is as against the relationship with Hawke as Anders suggests, can anyone offer me an explanation as to what is happening to Anders hand as he touches Hawke’s face? Maybe, just maybe, Justice is as awed and curious of love now in Kirkwall as he was once upon a time in Amaranthine. Maybe, for just a moment, he wants to know what that feels like.

In summary, there is more to Justice than we see at first glance. There is more to his relationship with Anders than we see at first, and there is much more to his relationship with Hawke than we see.

At the end of Act III, when we are given the choice to keep, let go or kill, there is only one decision I can make. I’m not just keeping Anders alive with my choice.

I’m choosing Justice as well.

Reblogging because Justice (and Janders) needs more love, always.

And that hand in the gif? And that last sentence? Yes. All of that.

Antagonist!Justice seems common in fandom but, yanno. I just can’t see it. Not only based on Justice’s characterisation in Awakening — he’s the hands-down highlight of the DA:A companions, IMO — but even from what few small glimpses we get of him in DA2. He allegedly “doesn’t approve” of Anders’ obsession with Hawke… but nonetheless apparently lets it run on for the better part of a decade. It’s not like Anders hasn’t changed his behaviour based on Justice’s will before (q.v. the drinking), so if Justice really didn’t approve of Anders pursuing a relationship… maybe it’s just me, but I think he’d be a little more vocal about it. (Which, of course, he actually is if you engage in a rivalmance.)

Maybe I’m just biased but, well. I’m a fangirl for Justice, what can I say?

... well, I did originally intend to back-post everything in order.

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 18:23:07 +1100

FFS, Tumblr.

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 3

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 18:00:05 +1100

The last surviving slaver has a medical problem…

Okay, I lied: Two more pieces of Chekhov’s arsenal laid out. Oh low fantasy, you so mundanely brutal.

I also promise this is the last OC POV chapter for a while; next time we get back to Our “Heroes” doing “heroic” things and generally making a mess of the Marches… and each other.

… man I need a beta for this mess.

Oh! Before I go: Rabbit Heart has an FST! Enjoy!

Read on @ AO3 →

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 14

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 13:59:51 +1100

[Fanfic: DA2] Rabbit Heart 14:

Carling finds out what happened to her uncle.

So we’ve finally hit the resolution of the Carling subplot. I vacillated a lot on how to handle this one, with varying degrees of angst and rage. In the end, well… I’m soft-hearted. I can’t help it.

This is also the chapter that probably needs a slight rape culture warning; I wanted to stay true to Hawke’s reaction to the scene without making it too, well… you know. I’ve edited it over several times but I’m still not particularly comfortable with it. Hrm.

There’s another thing going on in here as well, which has to do with the whole possession-as-obvious-analogy-to-mental-illness thing. It’s probably not hugely revealing or surprising to say that I did a bit of reading about dissociative identity disorder when trying to figure out how to handle Justice!Anders, though obviously it’s not intended to be a direct parallel (what with there being all the magic and whatnot involved). Nonetheless, I’ve kept the DID symptoms of dissociation, depersonalization and derealization present in DA canon and have tried to show how these are slowly changing over the course of the story (which is also why the dissociative amnesia has been quietly dropped… for now). I’ve frequently stated that the “point” of Rabbit Heart is basically to give Anders a narrative where he gets to deal with his possession in a way that doesn’t use convenient handwaving or retconning to “fix” him; there are a lot of fics like this that are very good, but I find the notion in and of itself a bit… squicky. Like the parallels between magic and possession in Thedas and Really Real World mental illness or not — and I don’t, really — they’re nonetheless still there. Erasing them or pretending they don’t exist doesn’t help, IMO. (Also, shallow confession: I like Justice as a character way more than Awakening!Anders.)

With all that in mind, there’s a second Issue in this chapter that touches on the whole mentally-ill-people-are-violent-and-scary-and-dangerous-because-they’re-mentally-ill-and-everyone-knows-mentally-ill-people-are-violent-and-scary-and-dangerous question begging bullshit. (You all know this is bullshit, right? And, in fact, people with mental illnesses are more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators of it? Okay, good. Just clearing that up.) Yes, it’s veiled under the context of mages and abominations but… it’s there and I know it’s there and I’ve tried not to, yanno. Totally fuck it up.

Maybe?

IDK.

Anyway. That’s all very morose and heavy, arguably fittingly. As of this chapter, RH has officially broken 100,000 words (… OMG). About half of what I’d originally intended to include here didn’t make it, mostly because I decided to be nice to Carling, so I guess that’ll be coming next time.

We’re definitely on the home straight now, however; maybe three or four more chapters to go.

… holy shit. TL;DR.